I’m losing my sight but don’t tell anyone (shhh) I’m terrified! I suffer from a bad case of paranoia for everything and everyone. If things are this bad and I can see, how am I going to know if my things are in the right place and if my house is tidy to my standards more to the point if someone is trying to poison me or worse abuse me.
I will have to rely on someone for nearly everything and I don’t trust anyone.
The only way to help myself is to start trusting people now when I can see but I’ve no idea how to do that.
The obsessive compulsive disorder is a good place to start but how do you change that? I mean does it really matter if an ornament is out of place or a cushion is not straight. How to change though because if it’s not it makes me want to scream. I can’t stop looking at them and inside I scream and scream until I get up and put it right, at times it can take hours to put it right.
Still I digress, I’m supposed talking about going blind. The hospital thinks I should learn braille, a harbinger of doom, it’s made things seem so real. IM LOSING MY SIGHT!
I’ve got to get over the Agoraphobia because I need to see things and enjoy things and build memories before it is gone. It will be so sad if my last memories are the inside of this flat. I need to find a way to get outside and I’d better hurry up.
That is why this year is so important and so many other health concerns but this is a big one.
Things wouldn’t be so bad if I knew I could keep my PA but I don’t want council care as I will be so afraid and lonely.
I’m going to have to build some strategies and goals for this one, I’ll keep you posted.
For now I will leave you with this thought,
When I talk about illness I always try to think ‘the’ and not’my’ because I think it’s good to keep some separation and to not internalise the diagnosis and make it ‘yours’. I find it helps to keep some distance.
Speak soon……..
talktoimogen 